I had a realization right in the middle of a Coldplay concert.
As the words “Everyone is an alien somewhere” start to play on the screens, I think – it really doesn’t matter if you’ve left home to become an expat or if you’ve barely left your hometown or country. It’s still possible to feel foreign and like you don’t belong.
(They were incredible, by the way. I’ll be sprinkling my favorite moments in throughout this post).
Everyone is an alien somewhere is a statement about belonging and perhaps something to keep in mind as we interact with others.
For the record, feeling alien comes with life abroad. It’s bound to happen and is a package deal, so here are some things to consider whether you’re already abroad, contemplating a move abroad, or are simply feeling out of place in your already familiar environment.
It Starts with You
Decide to do the uncomfortable.
It’s going to take a shit ton of effort to create that sense of belonging, and no one can do it for you but you. Putting yourself out there, trying out a new hobby with others, or maybe even distancing yourself from long-time, familiar friends are all things that can seem super scary. Have the courage to act, and the universe will reward you with an increased sense of belonging.
Go in with an open mind.
I believe flexibility and adaptability are invaluable traits a person can possess. New environments will certainly test you. There are 3 values I hold that have helped me with this.
- I believe there is beauty in diversity. There’s something really profound about sitting at a table with people of different nationality, different beliefs, etc. I’m given a gift, and it’s the gift of perspective.
- Every encounter I have is an opportunity to learn. Whether the situation is good, bad, or ugly there’s always a lesson at the end. Having this mindset keeps me humble and ultimately grateful. Yep, that’s right. Grateful even for the shitty stuff.
- I believe in living with open hands. This has been an admittedly hard value to live by, but I’m so glad I’m putting in the work to get better at it. Things don’t always go the way we expect, and people we love may not always stick around. But I promise you, everything will be okay and the right people will.
Kindness is sexy no matter where you are in the world
Kindness transcends culture, religion, and politics, and it’s not to be confused with nice. There’s a huge difference between being nice and being kind. People often associate kindness with weakness, but I believe it actually requires great strength to stay soft and kind in this world, especially if you’ve experienced mistreatment or hardship.
Never underestimate the power of kindness. We never know what people might be going through.
Find your people and nurture them
I’ve become extremely selective of who I allow into my life. After all, your friends determine your future.
However, I’m incredibly grateful that I have a small circle of people who make me feel safe, seen, and understood. These friends lift me up and make me feel big. And, they inspire me to never stop trying to become a better person. As I grow, my capability to receive love grows, and as a result, I’m more capable of giving love to my people and the community around me.
Friendships like these can’t be bought or easily found. So when you find one, cherish it. Be vulnerable and talk about your feelings. There’s strength there. Tell your friends how much they mean and don’t let ego get in the way.
You’ll find that you will be right where you belong and accepted as you are, and chances are, you’ll make them feel like they belong as well.
